The difference between good and bad sex ed can make a world of difference for your sense of self and well-being.

You may be familiar with the term “gaslighting” as it relates to abusive romantic relationships—it refers to when someone intentionally makes someone else question their own reality, leading them to feel crazy, or to believe a different, false reality. But we talk less about the other scenarios where gaslighting can occur: such as in educational contexts, by the very authorities we trust most to tell us the truth.

Specifically, when you learned about sex, you may have been presented with a number of false narratives about love, pleasure, and relationships that have caused you to question whether you’re “normal” or healthy. Like in other forms of gaslighting, bad sex ed misled us, leaving us feeling disoriented and alienated. Perhaps it even left you feeling like you were to blame for that confusion or loneliness.

If you had access to sex ed at all, it likely focused on the things that can go wrong because of your sexuality, and very little on the things that can go right. As you move through my content and more, take a few moments to reflect on what has been going well in your relationship to sex, friends, community, love, or gender. Remind yourself that you are innately good and wise when it comes to these areas of your life.