I wrote a book! Start your sexual awakening here.

Read "Feel It All"

Staring at the blank page before you.

My top tips for navigating the creative process.

POV: You’re belting this ‘00’s banger with me at a slumber party–

“Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

These are the lyrics that overlay the supercut of scenes from my book writing process. I had to face so many blank pages, and just, well, release my inhibitions!

Easier said than done.

Between navigating a complex romantic relationship, running The Expansive Group, and trying to fit in some semblance of self-care, it’s a wonder this book ever came to fruition at all. And if you’ve gotten to Chapter 2, you know that the wonder doesn’t stop there; there was a time when I didn’t think I’d live long enough to tell my story at all.

But, hi. Here I am–coming up for air after releasing my book into the world last Tuesday. Now that I’m holding my new baby in my hands, I know that this book’s journey is now a bit out of my hands. The stories inside no longer belong to me–perhaps they never did.

I feel so grateful to you, my community, for setting off the sparks that led to the creation of Feel It All. On days when I didn’t think I could squeeze one more word out, I’d visit the comments section of @queersextherapy for a dose of inspiration and encouragement. Your stories are written between the lines of these pages.

In case you ever find yourself staring at the blank page before you (metaphorical or not), I want to offer up a few learnings that were instrumental to my creative process:

1. Create a writing ritual. Choose a time of day to write, and stick to it. If the only time of day that you’re consistently available is very early or very late, you’re in good company (this seems to be the case for many authors I’ve met along the way). If you tend to dread writing (we’ve all been there), pair your writing routine with something you don’t dread–like lighting a candle, eating a favorite snack, putting on a calming playlist, or sitting in a cozy chair.

2. When you’re stuck, brainstorm away from the laptop. There’s nothing less inspiring than that blinking cursor. My favorite passages of Feel It All were birthed from brainstorm sessions that occurred while walking, stretching, swimming, and laying in the sun. We can literally move through our creative anxiety.

3. Your writing day ends when you open your email. I like to refer to my email inbox as “other peoples’ to do lists.” As soon as my brain shifts out of creativity and into productivity, I know that I’m unlikely to find my way back. Productivity is addicting, and creativity (in my experience) takes more discipline. Discipline yourself by allowing for less productivity.

4. When possible, leave your home environment. Your home environment is also a to-do list of sorts. I found this out the hard way, when my process was constantly interrupted by screaming cats, packages at the door, and dirty dishes. If it’s accessible to you, find a retreat–even a retreat to your local park or coffee shop. I did some of my best writing in my dad’s attic!

5. Don’t edit as you go. The mindset it takes to be in a writing flow is very different from the critical mindset it takes to edit. If you try to do both at once, you are unlikely to do either of them very well. Think of your initial draft as a no-bad-ideas-brainstorm (if you’ve read Feel It All, you know I’m obsessed with these!).

And let’s be real…my writing “ritual” also involved many days where I forgot to shower, had back pain from typing for so many hours on end, and asked loved ones to put up with some serious brattiness. Overall, it was a mixed bag.

I’m getting accustomed to life after Feel It All, and a new excitement is bubbling up as I await your comments on the book. After all, I wrote it for you.

I hope it finds you where you need it most.