In my view, there are two kinds of adults: those who have a costume box, and those who need to have a costume box.

I came to this conclusion after a few weeks of instituting a new ritual in my relationship called “Costume Happy Hour”. Every Sunday between 4-6pm, my partner Rachel and I throw together a cocktail or mocktail and sit on our porch…in costume. 

No matter how busy our weekend was, no matter the responsibilities that lie in the week ahead, we commit to this bit. Why? In the name of love.

When we show up to our back porch in a boy scout uniform or a top hat, we give our relationship the gift of play. We get to spend time co-creating something new, and experimenting with relating to each other in new ways.

I’m not saying a costume box is a cure-all, but I believe it’s one of the most underrated tools for expanding your emotional range, exploring eroticism, shifting relationship dynamics, and helping you feel more alive.  

Not convinced yet? Here’s my pitch.

What is a “Costume Box”?

A Costume Box is any container (box, bin, drawer, suitcase, dedicated corner of your room, etc.) where you can keep anything that you wouldn’t typically wear in your day-to-day life. This can include costumes, accessories, wigs, jewelry, and props. 

Don’t have any of the above items? Set aside the costume box anyway…let it become an invitation to keep your eyes peeled for clothes and objects that inspire something playful in you the next time you go thrift shopping.

While many adults have costumes set aside for sexual pleasure, the costume box I’m talking about is not innately sexual in nature. In fact, you might use your costumes to transform into a character that has complete permission to be unsexy, just to see what that feels like.

In Long-Term Love, Play is Not Childish

One of the most consistent findings in relationship research is that playfulness goes hand and hand with relationship satisfaction. Playing with your love(s) can have the following impacts…

It can shift the roles you play in the relationship

“Enclothed cognition” is the idea that what you wear can influence your psychological processes based on two things: the physical experience of wearing it, and the symbolic meaning you attach to it. 

So when you put on a costume, you’re not just changing your outfit; you’re changing your brain. And that matters in long-term relationships, where we can get locked into roles without even realizing it…like the responsible one, the anxious one, the caretaker, the initiator, the one who always brings up the hard stuff, the one who shuts down, the one who makes things fun, or the one who never gets to. Costumes are a gentle way to flip those scripts. 

Play can increase sexual desire for one another

Often, the erotic energy that partners once had gets flattened by routines, stress, and familiarity. Play is one way back into desire because it invites novelty.

A costume creates a low-stakes container for erotic imagination. Not everything has to lead to sex, but when erotic energy does want to show up, costumes can make it easier to explore roles, power dynamics, archetypes, flirtation, humor, and that delicious experience of, “Wait… I didn’t know I could feel like that with you again.”

Play helps interrupt cycles of conflict

So much of relationship conflict isn’t actually about the topic at hand. It’s about getting stuck in the same pattern with that same “here we go again” energy. 

Playfulness can create a shift in that pattern. It can soften the nervous system, change the emotional atmosphere of the relationship, and make repair feel more accessible. Less in a “let’s joke to avoid feelings” way, but more as a reminder of what you actually like and enjoy about each other. 

Sometimes a costume or a shared bit gives you enough spaciousness to come back to a hard conversation with more generosity for your partner. Frankly, it’s harder to dehumanize someone you’ve just watched dramatically sip a mocktail in a cape.

So Where Can I Find Adult Costumes?

You can go to a costume shop, but I find it can be even more fun to hunt down items that can be worn in different combinations to elicit new parts of yourself. Try thrift shops for statement jackets, faux fur, robes, scarves, hats, and vests. Head to the dollar store for silly glasses, feather boas, tiaras, masks, props, temporary tattoos, and glitter. Some of my favorite costume box items have come from my own closet, or from friends who are giving away items they don’t wear anymore.

Try not to put pressure on yourself to create costumes worthy of a broadway show. Instead, use the following prompts to select items for your box:

• Does the item make you smile?
• Does the item feel like it represents a part of yourself you’re curious about? Or perhaps an alter ego?
• Does the item invite a particular character, voice, body language, or motivation?
• Does the texture feel good on my skin?

Practical Steps for Using a Costume Box in a Relationship

If you want to use costumes to support your love life, invite your partner to join you in a low-pressure way.  Say, “I read this kind of weird blog yesterday about something called “Costume Happy Hour”, and I think we might actually find it fun. Wanna try it out?”

If costumes feel like a stretch, start with an accessory. Simple props like a stick-on mustache, a faux pearl necklace, or vampire teeth can go a long way. If it feels too vulnerable to pick out your own costume, make it collaborative. Spend your next date night at a thrift store picking out something for the other person to try on. Decide on a theme together to narrow down your options.

Once you each have at least one item to play with, set aside a few minutes to play—start with 15-20 minutes. Wear them while you play a board game, cook dinner, watch the sunset, or debrief your day. 

Get curious about the following:

• What gifts does my character have to offer the relationship?
• What parts of me does this accessory bring out, and how can I lean into them?
• How does this item help me tap into bravery (or silliness or gender euphoria, etc.)

A Costume Box is A Portal

Who among us right now is not struggling to find consistent sources of joy in 2026? Costumes let us step out of the versions of ourselves who are managing logistics, scrolling social media, and bracing for the next shoe to drop. Costumes transport us because they remind us we’re allowed to play with reality and imagine new possibilities for our world. Some might even call creating a costume box a political act.

So yes, I am sincerely suggesting you get a costume box. It’s just one way of building a life with more joy in it. One with more play in it. One where sometimes, on a random Sunday afternoon, you put on a top hat and open yourself up to wonder.

‍Image Credit: Modern Family