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There's no right way to be queer.

When I first came out, I was single and had not one gay friend. Today, I'm a queer sex therapist.

I can't stress this enough: being queer is your own definition.


When I first came out, I was single and had not one gay friend. I found a semblance of community through sitting at a local coffee shop that Yelp had deemed "gay-friendly," searching frantically for any sign of queerness—any sign that I belonged to queerness, or that queerness belonged to me. I spotted a group of short haircuts and introduced myself, securing a spot in their weekly trivia group.

Had I measured my queerness by the extent to which I fit in, I might have given up. I didn’t speak the language or wear the uniform, didn’t know gay history or have a dating history. I was offered an education about how to be queer that at the time I thought was the only way to be queer.

Now, my team and I will be offering a different kind of education. Expansive Ed is not about teaching right ways or only ways. It’s a community-driven platform that helps you discover your way, with validation from others who are also on that journey.