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It's okay to have your identities change.

Paint your identities in water colors instead of permanent markers. Take yourself seriously, and also leave room for surprises.

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to have it all figured out? Let's be okay with our ever-changing selves.


Each one of us could spend a lifetime trying to find our “one true self”, and we never would. Your “one true self” is a moving target—an ever-changing, contextual notion that is a journey more than a destination. But because we are a culture obsessed with destinations, the “one true self” has become a product that everyone is trying to sell.  

The same can be said for the “one true sexual self.” This is supposed to be the version of you that finds exactly the right label, a label that fits perfectly now and always.  It’s a concept that doesn’t allow for fluidity, or frankly, humanity. The idea that there is some peak true version of you is a notion that will leave you always searching, never present with the nuance and contradictions of who you actually are.

I use the phrase “label decision fatigue” to describe the experience so many of us have when we look at the vast number of identities available to us; it’s exciting, and sometimes kind of exhausting. My invitation? Let yourself off the hook. Paint your identities in water colors instead of permanent markers. Take yourself seriously, and also leave room for surprises.